Grass Puns
1. I’m so glad I mowed the lawn yesterday, the grass was completely overgrown. You could say it was… high on pot.
2. My friend got busted for having marijuana in his backyard. His defense was that it was just overgrown grass, but the cops didn’t buy it. They could tell it was not lawn, but weed.
3. I entered my lawn in a gardening competition, but it didn’t win. The judges said it needed to be cut down to size. I told them the grass was greener on the other side.
4. My neighbor asked me what type of fertilizer I use to get my grass looking so green. I told him it was 100% organic potting soil.
5. I was pulling weeds in my yard when I suddenly had the urge to name each blade of grass. I thought to myself, guess I’m getting a little too attached to my lawn.
6. The groundskeeper at the golf course was fired for improper care of the greens. Apparently he was caught smoking grass on the job.
7. I bought a lamp that makes my lawn look like it’s covered in frost. Now my grass looks lit, even when it’s not!
8. My job is to cut the grass at the stadium. The hours are long but the field is good.
9. Why was the lazy grass tired at the end of the day? Because it refused to grow.
10. What do you call someone who mows the grass at a cemetery? A grave yarder.
Grass One-Liners
11. My friend got arrested for having a pound of weed in his car. He said it was just clippings from mowing his lawn, but the cops didn’t believe him. They could tell it was definitely not just grass clippings!
12. I caught my son smoking something in the backyard. He claimed it was just a grass cigarette, but I grounded him anyway.
13. My neighbor grows some suspicious looking plants in his backyard. When I asked him about it, he said “Don’t worry, it’s just my grass-hobby.”
14. I asked my gardener what he does in his free time. He said he mostly just smokes grass and chills.
15. I saw my grandpa giggling while pulling weeds in the yard. When I asked what was so funny he said, “Oh nothing, just having a little grass laughter out here.”
16. Mom told me to mow the lawn but I was feeling burnt out. You could say I was having a little grass fatigue.
17. I caught my son hiding something green and leafy in his closet. He claimed it was just leftover clippings from mowing the grass, but I wasn’t born yesterday!
18. My neighbor’s lawn is looking greener than ever. I asked him his secret and he winked and said “It’s the special fertilizer.”
19. I asked my gardener why he had a huge smile while weeding. He said “Oh you know, I’m just extremely satisfied with the grass.”
20. The new groundskeeper at work seems to be slacking off. I saw him laying in the grass giggling to himself yesterday.
Best Grass Jokes
21. My son came home with a big smile on his face. “I made some new friends at the park today!” he said excitedly. “They taught me how to play in the grass better.” Uh oh, I better keep an eye on those “new friends” of his.
22. I was feeling burnt out at work, so I took the afternoon off to unwind. I headed to the park, laid in the grass, and stared up at the clouds floating by. Before I knew it, hours had passed – guess you could say I was pretty grass-hypnotized.
23. My neighbor Joe loves working on his lawn. He says mowing it is his grass-ion in life. I told him grass puns like that should be illegal. He just chuckled and said “Don’t worry man, my jokes never get old, they just get funnier with age, like a fine wine.
24. I noticed my lawn was looking parched and sad. I guess you could say it had major grass envy of my neighbor’s lush, green lawn. Time to step up my watering game.
25. I saw my son giggling and rolling around my newly seeded lawn. I yelled “Get off the grass!” He mumbled “Sorry dad” and shuffled inside. Strange, could have sworn I saw him hide something behind his back as he walked by.
26. My botanist friend seems withdrawn lately. I asked what was up and he said “Oh you know, just going through a little grass-existential crisis about the meaning of life.”
27. I caught my cousin sneaking around behind the shed with a suspicious looking cigarette. He claimed it was just a 100% grass joint, but I could tell he was totally toasted.
28. My neighborhood has been having issues with teenagers hanging around the park at night. The cops think they are just there to play in the grass, but I see those rebellious kids for who they really are – a bunch of no-good lawn-iterers.
29. My lawn has been looking sad despite my best efforts. I complained to my gardener and he said “Don’t worry man, your grass will be greener soon. I got some special fertilizer that will really bring your lawn to life.” Riiiiight, “fertilizer,” sure it is.
30. I asked my new neighbor what he does for fun. He chuckled and said “Oh you know, the usual – watch TV, tend to my lawn, smoke a little grass here and there.” He seemed nice enough at first, but now I’m thinking I should keep my distance.
31. My teenage son has been obsessed with the yard lately. He literally spends hours out there, just laying in the grass giggling. As much as I tell him to get off the lawn, he doesn’t listen. Ugh, kids these days!
32. I noticed my lawn was looking worse for wear, with dry patches and weeds popping up everywhere. My gardener said not to worry, he would spray some “organic treatment” to get it looking lush and green again. I’m starting to think this guy’s methods might be a little suspect.
