Golf Club Puns (12)
1. I asked the golf club manufacturer if they could make me a new driver. They said if I didn’t leave they’d call the police!
2. I was looking to join a new golf club but the membership fees were too high. Guess I won’t be clubbing this year.
3. I entered a contest for most creative golf club name. I submitted “Golf Club Sand Wedge.” Now I’m just waiting to see if I made the cut.
4. Did you hear about the angry golfer who threw his club in the lake? He had a major temper tantrum.
5. I was golfing the other day and hit my ball into a tree. I started yelling at my club, but soon realized the problem wasn’t the club – it was me! I needed to branch out and take responsibility.
6. Why don’t ants ever get hit by golf clubs? They’re always out of range.
7. Did you hear about the golf club that was arrested? It was charged with assault and battery.
8. My golf clubs and I just aren’t getting along. I think it’s time we split up and go our separate ways.
9. I entered my golf club into a talent competition. Unfortunately, it didn’t make the cut.
10. Did you hear about the golfer who played with invisible clubs? He had an imaginary round.
11. I was going to tell a joke about golf clubs, but I decided to take a swing at other topics instead.
12. Why don’t sharks make good golf caddies? They don’t like being around clubs!
Golf Club One-Liners (12)
13. My golf club is like an unhappy relationship – I want to break it.
14. Golf is a lot like taxes – you drive hard to get to the green, and then wind up in the hole.
15. My golf club has trust issues – it keeps asking me if I’m seeing other clubs behind its back.
16. Don’t lend golf clubs to pigs – they’ll hog the green.
17. I played 18 holes with only one golf club – now that’s what I call a full iron diet.
18. Golf is like marriage – you start off all happy and excited, but by the 15th hole you wish you hadn’t bothered.
19. My golf clubs and I had a falling out. Let’s just say it was a major wedge issue.
20. My golf club called me high maintenance. I told it “talk to the hand!”
21. I caught my golf club cheating on me with another player. Let’s just say it’s now my EX-wedge.
22. Golf is a metaphor for life – the ball always lands in the rough.
23. I’m swearing off golf for Lent – giving up clubs for 40 days.
24. My golf club stole my car and ran off with the caddy. Now that’s what I call Grand Theft Putter.
Best Golf Club Jokes (12)
25. I was golfing the other day and hit the ball right into a water hazard. As I walked over to the edge to see if I could spot it, an alligator popped up and handed me my ball back! He said, “I don’t want this thing, it could take someone’s eye out!”
26. My friend is so obsessed with golf he even watches it on TV. I said to him the other day “So how did Phil Mickelson play?” He responded, “How did he PLAY? I have no idea, I was just watching him put on his pants and shoes!”
27. I took my golf clubs with me on a cruise recently. One day I was hitting balls off the deck into the ocean. The captain saw me and yelled “Hey, do you mind not doing that? Those balls could hurt someone underneath us.” I yelled back “Yeah right, like someone is under the ship catching my golf balls!” Sure enough, 10 minutes later a guy surfaces holding my golf ball. He yells up “Could you please hit some Titleists next time, these Nikes aren’t worth a dime!”
28. My friend joined a very exclusive golf club that only allows members who have a handicap of +4 or better. He was very proud to qualify with a +3 handicap. The first day he went to play the course, he came back absolutely exhausted. I said “Wow that course must be unbelievably difficult!” He said “No actually, it was a nice easy course, but they made me take 27 penalty strokes before I started!”
29. I recently played a round of golf with Donald Trump. On the 1st hole, he hit his drive right into the trees. Just as his caddie pulled out a new ball to re-tee, a squirrel ran out of the woods and dropped Trump’s original ball at his feet. Trump looked at his caddie and said “You see that? Even the squirrels know I won!”
30. My wife asked me why golfers always carry an extra pair of socks when they play. I told her in case they get a hole in one! She was not amused.
31. I was lining up a 10-foot putt to win $5 from my friend the other day when a ball came flying in from another fairway and knocked my ball away just before I could hit it. A guy ran over screaming “I’m so sorry! I didn’t yell fore because I’ve never hit the ball this far in my life!” I told him not to worry about it, he did me a favor – I’ve never made a 10-foot putt in my life either!
32. What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes *whack* “Darn!” A bad skydiver goes “Darn!” *whack*
33. I was playing a round by myself recently when I hit an amazing hole-in-one on a Par 4. I was high-fiving and celebrating when I realized no one saw it or would ever believe me. So I went to the next hole, hit a hole-in-one again, and then frantically ran back to the previous hole and pretended like I was just now making it for the first time!
34. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
35. My boss invited me to play a round of golf with him last weekend. On the 3rd hole I hit my tee shot into a cow pasture and had to climb the fence to get it back. Suddenly I felt a gun pressed against my back and heard a voice say “Just where do you think you’re going?” I responded “I’m terribly sorry sir, I just hit my golf ball over the fence here and need to get it back.” The man responded “Oh okay, that makes sense. Say, while you’re here, would you mind holding my wife’s hands up in the air for a few minutes? I’ve been trying to milk that cow back there for 20 minutes and she just won’t stand still!”
36. What do you call a group of 8 rabbits playing golf together? A rabbit foursome!