I wanted to make a fig pie but couldn’t find the right fig-ures.
The fig fell out of the tree. It was an unripe fig-ment of my imagination.
My fig tree wasn’t growing well so I gave it some fig-tilizer.
The fig washer wasn’t working. It needed a new fig-ter.
I entered my homemade fig jam into a contest. It didn’t win first priz but I got an honorable fig-tion.
I was craving fresh figs but the store only had fig-zen ones.
My friend got hit in the head with a fig. He said it fig-gured.
I had to cancel my trip to the Figi islands. It just wasn’t meant to fig.
I accidentally sat on a fig. Boy, was my face red – and sticky!
Be careful when prune picking – you could get into a sticky fig-ht.
Fig One-Liners
I relish a good fig, olive the time.
We fig-ured out what was causing the clogged drain.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away – but so does a fig!
Don’t cry over spilled milk – cry over squashed figs.
Be the fig leaf that covers the unmentionables of others.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Where there’s figs, there’s fig newtons.
You can’t have your fig and eat it too.
When figs give you trouble, make fig jam.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but a fig in the hand is divine.
If you play with fire you get burnt; if you play with figs you get sticky fingers.
Best Fig Jokes
Why was the fig so popular at the party?
It had a great personality and made everyone feel fig-nificant.
Did you hear about the fig that entered a comedy competition?
It wanted to see if it could get some laughs but unfortunately its routine fell fig short.
My friend invited me over for figs and wine.
I was a little fig-id at first but it turned out to be a really nice evening and the fig spread was amazing.
What did the fig say to the face cream?
“What are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a wet fig before?”
Did you hear about the fig that traveled through time?
It went back to Roman times hoping to witness the peak of civilization but ended up causing mass fig-nic.
Why do figs make the best lawyers?
They know how to get you out of a jam.
What do you call an angry fig?
A cross fig.
My fig plants were not growing well so I yelled at them, “Grow, damn you!”
I guess swearing makes figs grow bigger.
I entered my fig pie in the county fair baking competition.
It was neck and neck with the apple pie until the very end. Thankfully my figtastic pie came out on top!
Did you hear about the fig who loved music?
It was a big fan of Beethoven and would always fig-ure out how to get tickets to his shows.
