Desert Puns
1. I screamed when I saw a snake in the desert. It rattled me to the core!
2. The desert was so dry, it was devoid of moister.
3. I was thirsty in the desert so I ordered a martini, dry with no olive.
4. I got so sunburned in the desert, I look like a hot cross bun.
5. The camels in the desert formed a caravan to travel across the sandy sea.
6. It was so hot in the desert, I saw a coyote chasing a rabbit and they were both walking.
7. My friend got lost in the desert searching for a mummy. He was in de-Nile.
8. I entered a desert painting contest but I didn’t win. My work had no depth.
9. I got my ring stuck on a cactus in the desert. I guess you could say I was pricked into marriage.
10. We saw Bigfoot tracks in the desert. Turns out it was just a sasquatch in the sand.
11. Be bedouin and get out of that desert! It’s too hot in here.
12. The desert winds were blowing wild that night. It was a sand storm if I’ve ever seen one.
Desert One-Liners
13. The Sahara is so dry the trees chase dogs.
14. I’m reading a book about the deserts of the world and the pages are as dry as the deserts they describe!
15. I brought my pet cactus to the desert but it was pining for home.
16. The desert is so sparse, even the oasis are a mirage.
17. It’s so hot in the desert, I saw birds using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
18. The desert is so dry, people are spitting cotton.
19. It’s so hot in the desert that I just saw a snake chasing a lizard and they were both walking.
20. Q: Why couldn’t the guy find his map in the desert? A: Because the sand shifted while he wasn’t looking!
21. Q: How does Moses make his coffee? A: Hebrews it.
22. The desert is so dry, cacti are chasing the camels!
Best Desert Jokes
23. Sam was an explorer trekking across the Arabian desert. One day, he came upon a lamp buried in the sand. He picked it up and gave it a rub, and a genie popped out. “I shall grant you three wishes,” proclaimed the genie. Sam thought for a moment and said, “I’m lost in this desert with no water. I wish for a bottle of water that will never run out.” The genie granted his wish. Sam took a long drink and felt relieved. He thought again and said, “I’m also starving. I wish for a bag of food that will never run out.” The genie granted this wish too. Sam ate to his heart’s content. After finishing his meal, Sam made his final wish, “I wish to be transported back home, out of this desert.” And with that, the genie sent Sam back home. When Sam looked around, he realized the genie had transported him and all his provisions right back into the desert! Moral of the story – just because something never runs out doesn’t mean you’ll ever get out!
24. Joe loved exploring deserts, so he decided to take a trip to the Sahara. He packed up his 4×4 with camping gear, provisions, and enough water to last him for weeks. As he drove deep into the desert wilderness, his truck suddenly broke down. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, Joe started rationing his water to make it last as long as possible. After a few days, he was down to his last drops of water when a bedouin on a camel appeared out of a sandstorm. “Water! Water!” begged Joe. “I have no water to spare,” replied the bedouin, “but since you are a fellow explorer, I will tell you that a village lies half a day’s walk east of here where you can get all the water you need.” Overjoyed with hope, Joe abandoned his truck and quickly headed east. He walked all day across the scorching sands until he finally saw the village in the distance. With his last ounce of energy, Joe staggered to the well at the center of the village and began frantically turning the handle to draw up a bucket of water. As the first drops reached his parched lips, Joe sighed with relief. The bedouin then tapped him on the shoulder and said, “One buck for the water, please.”
25. Ahmed was traveling through the desert when his camel suddenly died. He was over 10 days walk from the nearest town and had no water left. Accepting his fate, he began crawling through the hot sand, sure he would perish. After two days of struggling, Ahmed saw a package half buried in the dunes. With his last ounce of energy he unearthed the package, unwrapped it, and found a baseball bat inside. “A bat?!?” Ahmed exclaimed, “How am I supposed to survive in the desert with just a bat?” Just then the bat spoke: “Don’t worry Ahmed, you can use me to fan yourself. I’ll help keep you cool!” Ahmed’s eyes widened in disbelief as he grasped the talking bat. He began fanning himself with the bat and sure enough, the gentle breeze felt wonderful after days in the scorching sun. The bat then said, “When night falls, wrap me in your robe to stay warm.” Ahmed did as instructed and the bat kept him from freezing in the cold desert night. For days on end, Ahmed fanned himself with the bat during the day, and used it as a blanket at night. He was able to stay alive long enough to reach the next town. As Ahmed staggered into the village fountain, he thanked the magical bat for saving his life. “No problem!” said the bat. “By the way, do you think you could return me to the sporting goods section when you get a chance?”
26. An explorer was leading a group through the Sahara desert. Along the way, his camel suddenly keeled over dead from exhaustion. The explorer surveyed the situation – they were still over 100 miles from the nearest oasis with no transportation and limited water. The group began panicking, certain they would die stranded in the unforgiving desert. The explorer calmly reached into his pack, pulled out a cell phone, and called for help. Within hours a helicopter arrived to rescue them. The group was amazed and one person asked, “Why didn’t you use the cell phone before your camel died, then we could have avoided this whole ordeal!?” The explorer replied, “What camel?”
27. Three men – an American, a Frenchman, and a Saudi – are traveling through the desert when their jeep breaks down. They decide to walk to the nearest town but have only one bottle of water for the three of them. The American takes a sip and proposes: “Since we are all equal citizens of the free world, we should equally share this water.” The Frenchman replies: “No, no, we are sophisticated Europeans, so I should get to drink the most.” The Saudi takes the bottle and empties it onto the sand. He says: “Now we are all equally thirsty and can walk as equals to town.”
28. An eccentric billionaire wanted the experience of being stranded alone in the vast Sahara desert. So he had his team of private contractors design him a special retreat – an oasis built directly into the dunes far from civilization. It had every luxury and amenity you could imagine – a lush garden, a pool, even a golf course! He had himself helicoptered into the desert and his team secured provisions to last a month. As soon as he was alone, the billionaire reveled in the isolation and serenity of the desert. But after just two days, he’d had enough. He called his private security team and said, “Get me out of here, this is terrible! I’m bored out of my mind!” They replied, “But sir, you paid us to leave you there for a full month to get the full desert experience.” The billionaire said, “Yes, but this is awful – just sand, nothingness, so boring. I insist you come get me immediately.” The guard reluctantly agreed and they set off in a jeep to go rescue the billionaire from his self-imposed exile. When they arrived at the desert oasis, the guards found the billionaire lounging by the pool with a cocktail in hand. He said to them, “This place is amazing – the time has just flown by!”
29. A man’s car breaks down in the middle of the desert. He manages to walk several miles before the heat overwhelms him and he collapses near a solitary dune. As the sand begins to slowly cover the man’s unconscious body, he enters into a vivid dreamlike state. He finds himself walking along a beautiful oasis flanked by palm trees. In the distance is a glittering temple beckoning him. As he approaches the temple, the doors swing open and he is greeted by a booming voice: “My son, you have wandered far but your journey is not yet over. You must find your way through the dangers that lie ahead.” The man feels compelled to enter the temple. Inside it is cool and tranquil, a sanctuary from the withering desert heat. At the back of the temple is a shining pool. As the man approaches, the voice echoes again: “Look deep into the waters – you will find your path forward.” The man peers into the pool and sees his own reflection morph into a flowing river that meanders off into the distance. Suddenly jolted awake by a rescuer, the man finds himself being whisked off in a helicopter. As the desert fades from view, he thinks to himself “My journey through life’s desert continues.”
30. Two Bedouin tribesmen are comparing how tough their desert lives are. One says, “It is so hot where I live, we eat sand for breakfast.” The other replies, “It is so hot where I live, we eat boiling sand for breakfast.” The first tribesman scoffs and says, “Ha! Where we live, the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.” The second tribesman shakes his head and says, “That’s nothing. Where I live, the camels wear oven mitts on their hooves.” Not to be outdone, the first man exclaims, “It gets so hot that I saw a coyote chasing a jackrabbit and they were both walking!” The second tribesman thinks for a minute then says, “That’s hot, but not as hot as where I live. Our blankets have cooking instructions on one side and sunblock warnings on the other.” Defeated, the first tribesman concedes, “Alright, you win. Nowhere on earth could be hotter than that!”
31. A man is lost and wandering in the desert, dying of thirst when he comes upon a small tent. Hoping to find water, he stumbles toward it. As he gets closer, he sees there’s a sign posted: “This tent guarded by a snake called Abdul and a scorpion called Ahmed.” The man thinks to himself “I’m going to die anyway, might as well try my luck with this tent.” He enters the tent and finds a large jug of water. As he reaches for it, a voice calls out – “If you want the water, you must defeat us first!” A snake and a scorpion emerge, ready to attack the man. Out of desperation, he grabs the scorpion Abdul and swallows him whole. He then faces the snake Ahmed, which starts to coil around his leg, sinking in its fangs. Thinking fast, the man opens the water jug and dunks Ahmed in headfirst to drown him. Victorious, the man eagerly gulps down the water, saving himself from a sure death. As he leaves the tent, he sees that a new sign has been posted: “Position vacant for snake and scorpion.”
32. An Arab lost in the desert is close to dying of thirst when he spies a tent in the distance. Using his last ounce of strength, he crawls desperately toward it. As the Arab enters the tent, he finds only a brass lamp. Disappointed, he gives the lamp an angry kick but his big toe strikes the metal so hard that a genie emerges in a puff of smoke. The genie says, “You have freed me from centuries in that lamp, so I will grant you three wishes.” The Arab is thrilled and says, “I’ve been lost in this desert for days with nothing to drink. I wish for a bottomless bucket of the finest oasis water.” The genie grants his wish and the Arab drinks the cool water until his parched mouth is quenched. For his second wish the Arab says, “I’m starving from wandering this desert. I wish for an endless supply of delicious dates.” The genie gives him a never-ending bag of the ripest dates to sate his hunger. The genie then says, “Now for your final wish.” The Arab thinks for a moment and says, “You know, I was actually fine before I found your blasted tent.”
