Anniversary Puns
1. I wanted to get my wife something that would go from 0 to 200 in under 5 seconds for our anniversary. She wasn’t happy when I bought her a scale.
2. My wife said I never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know we were celebrating two years of that!
3. I asked my wife what she wanted for our cotton anniversary. She said, “Let’s just skip it, that gift idea is pretty threadbare.”
4. My wife threw me a surprise anniversary party. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I knew something was going on when she kissed me and said “Happy Anniversary darling, see you tonight!”
5. For our wood anniversary, my husband carved me a beautiful wooden rose. I told him not to cut corners or skimp on the details next year for our bronze anniversary.
6. My wife was disappointed when I forgot our paper anniversary. She said I needed to write that date down so I wouldn’t forget next year.
7. My husband woke me up at midnight to give me a dozen roses for our anniversary. I graciously accepted them, then rolled over and went back to sleep.
8. For our leather anniversary, my wife got me a new leather jacket. I told her the gift really suited me and I couldn’t wait to see what she had in store for next year’s fruit and flowers anniversary.
9. On our anniversary, my wife surprised me with concert tickets to see my favorite band. I asked her, “How did you arrange this special treat?” She replied, “It was all part of the master plan!”
10. My wife asked me what I got her for our anniversary. I told her, “It’s a surprise!” She said, “I hate surprises, just give me a hint.” So I said, “It’s what you’ve always wanted from me.” Later, she was disappointed when I gave her peace and quiet.
11. For our anniversary, my wife said I could get her anything, as long as it’s diamond. I got her a deck of cards – after all, diamonds are a girl’s best friend!
Anniversary One-Liners
12. We were going to renew our vows on our anniversary but decided to recycle them instead.
13. Our anniversary is coming up soon so I asked my wife what she wanted. She said, “A divorce.”
14. My wife asked me to get 6 cans of sprite for our tin anniversary. I got her diet sprite instead so she wouldn’t get too much sugar.
15. We celebrated our paper anniversary by giving each other papercuts.
16. My wife surprised me on our anniversary by cooking my favorite meal. It was a delightful treat since she usually just orders takeout.
17. On our anniversary, my wife demanded her weight in gold. I got her a chocolate bar and said “close enough.”
18. My wife asked what I got her for our anniversary. I told her it was a surprise. She seemed disappointed when the surprise turned out to be nothing.
19. My wife threatened divorce on our anniversary, but I convinced her to wait until after I open my presents.
20. My wife was disappointed I only got her flowers for our anniversary. I’m saving up for jewelry for when I’m unfaithful.
21. On our anniversary, my husband surprised me with milk and cookies before bed. It was a perfect way to celebrate… when we were 5 years old.
22. My wife got so mad when I forgot our anniversary that she didn’t talk to me for a whole week… which was our anniversary trip!
Best Anniversary Jokes
23. On the morning of our anniversary, I made my wife breakfast in bed and told her, “Happy anniversary, honey! Today is all about you.” She seemed touched until I continued: “And tomorrow, we’re back to normal.”
24. For our anniversary, my husband surprised me with a trip to Paris. It was incredibly romantic until he handed me his credit card and said, “Buy yourself something sparkly!”
25. My wife wanted a big party for our tin anniversary, but I put my foot down. “We’re not celebrating tin,” I told her firmly. “If we make it to 10 years, I’ll get you something really nice in tin foil.”
26. On the morning of our anniversary, my husband poured me a cup of coffee and said, “Happy anniversary! Let’s make today special.” I took a sip and replied, “You know what would be special? If you made coffee that didn’t taste like mud.”
27. For our first anniversary, my wife gave me a fancy watch. I wasn’t excited until she explained that now I have no excuse not to know when I’ve forgotten important dates like our anniversary.
28. On our anniversary, my husband got down on one knee and looked deeply into my eyes. “Darling,” he said soulfully, “for our special day, I got you the most precious gift of all…” Then he handed me a coupon for 10% off at Best Buy.
29. For our anniversary this year, my husband surprised me by taking me to the most exclusive restaurant in town. Unfortunately the “surprise” was ruined when I got the bill. Next year, I’m telling him I prefer romance over bankruptcy.
30. My wife left me a sweet anniversary card that said “To the love of my life…” on the front. Inside it continued “…make sure to remind Dan our anniversary is next week. Thanks hon!”
31. For our anniversary, my husband took me on a hot air balloon ride. He kept pointing out landmarks below and saying “I think that’s the jewelry store where I bought your gift.” I was really excited until we landed – and there was no gift.
32. On our 5th anniversary, my husband shocked me when he gave me 5 beautiful gifts. They were gorgeous… until I unwrapped them and realized they were for our 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th anniversaries that he forgot.
33. This year’s anniversary gift from my husband was extra special – he got us his and hers colonoscopies. Nothing says “I love you” like a doctor shoving a camera up your behind.
34. My wife loves scrapbooking, so I got her a gift certificate to a scrapbook store for our anniversary. I also gave her several pages I pre-made filled with photos of me doing awesome stuff over the past year.
35. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with front row tickets to the Super Bowl. As we took our seats, she handed me an earpiece and said, “Now you can explain the rules to me while we watch!”
36. On our anniversary, my husband took me out for a candlelit dinner. After the meal, he got down on one knee and said, “Sweetheart, you mean everything to me. Will you…” Suddenly, the ring of fire alarm cut him off and we had to evacuate the restaurant.
37. My wife and I went away for our anniversary and left our teenage son home alone. We called and said, “We just wanted you to know this trip is the perfect anniversary gift!” He responded, “Funny, it’s just what I wanted too.”
38. Every anniversary, my wife insists on reliving our wedding night in every detail. This includes me going out to the bar with my buddies until 2am, coming home drunk, passing out on the couch, and forgetting our anniversary completely.
39. For our anniversary this year, my husband surprised me with a trip to Hawaii. As we relaxed on the beach afterwards, he asked how I would rate the vacation. I said, “Four stars… five if you make every day as magical as this one.”
40. On our anniversary, my husband gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. They were lovely, until I noticed the card just said “Looking forward to date night!” Turns out they were leftovers from his secretary’s birthday.
41. For our anniversary, my husband planned a romantic home-cooked meal. He even lit candles all around the house. Then he burned the food, set off the smoke detector, and spilled wine on my new dress. But it’s the thought that counts, right?
42. My wife was dropping lots of hints about getting a puppy for our anniversary. On the big day, I excitedly brought home a little golden retriever pup. She spent 10 minutes gushing over how cute it was… before realizing it wasn’t for her.
43. On our anniversary, my husband surprised me by taking me to a concert of my favorite band. As we were escorted backstage to meet them, he suddenly looked nervous. I soon found out why – he didn’t actually know the band and we were getting kicked out by security.
44. For our anniversary, I told my wife I was taking her to the most exclusive restaurant in the city. I drove around aimlessly for an hour so she thought we were heading to an amazing surprise location. When I finally pulled into McDonald’s, she was not loving it.
45. This year for our anniversary, my husband rented us a secluded little cabin in the woods. As soon as we arrived, there was a power outage leaving us in the dark. Turns out the “rustic retreat” should have just been called primitive.
